This is an absolute spam carnival! » Love and Sex

I’ll raise YOUR debt ceiling. Wink wink.

candice — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 12:00:58 +0000

Geez, it’s hard to keep up these days, but have no fear… Spam Carnival is back up and running once more!

This one was sent to me without a subject line (sad times!), but… it’s really just too wonderful to not share.

Ram the hell out of your girl and leave her ass in debt! These boosters will make your desire skyrocket! Try just once and you ll understand all the benefits of this approach to solving male problems! Prices are Down for just two next days!

Your Saucy Benefits are Here. Taste Them!

candice — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:30:21 +0000

MMM. Can I get a benefit sandwich please? Extra sauce.

from: JuicyDating@impolitedime.com
to: spamcarnival
date: Mon, Dec 13, 2010 at 6:00 AM
subject: Your Saucy Benefits are Here. Taste Them!
Surprise from Your Friends with Naughty Benefits.
Be Naughty – Guess what! Your Fantasies are all Here Ã‚Â– tasty and REAL.
If you would like to unsubscribe from any further emails

Click Here or write to:

EasyDate plc
410 Park Avenue, 15th Floor
New York, NY 10022

The links in this email leads to a website called “impolitedime.com” — interesting! The website background is white, has a Times New Roman black font, and has all of its links in a row. There’s no design.

BUT there’s this picture, which is all over spam:

I saw your sister

candice — Thu, 26 May 2011 18:01:48 +0000

Well… I don’t have a sister, but if I did, I would hope someone wouldn’t actually give me this directive.

from: eaglelml@smtp01.pevnalinka.cz
to: spamcarnival
date: Wed, May 27, 2009 at 9:54 AM
subject: I saw your sister

Just do her.

Madonna goes down on a guy in a night club!

candice — Sun, 22 May 2011 13:30:03 +0000

Come on. Aren’t Madonna/sex jokes so 1993?

Well, I suppose it’s more of the combination of the subject and the body* that make me laugh.

from: Patrick Fuentes
to: spamcarnival
date: April 11, 2009 5:15:35 AM EDT
subject: Madonna goes down on a guy in a night club!

wall license housekeeper regurgitation
discriminate footfalls confidant regurgitation

*This is not meant to sound postmodern

Unusual mothers apex with him

candice — Thu, 12 May 2011 14:54:56 +0000

I’ve been going through my archives, and I have a ton of incest porn emails. Is incest funny? Not really, but then again, most spam emails about sex are pretty offensive. Still, folks, it’s all about the language. Spammers have the funniest way of wording things. While you’re at it, check out this spammer’s name!

from: Philomena Ogle
to: spamcarnival
date: April 1, 2009 1:26:13 PM EDT
subject: Unusual mothers apex with him

After all, my first girl was my mom
she showeed me how to stuff her gate

Let’s apex tonight!!

Hi Dear,

candice — Mon, 09 May 2011 13:30:30 +0000

Check out the Google image search for Dr. Jenny Brown. Which one do you think she is?

from: DR JENNY BROWN
to: spamcarnival
date: Sat, May 29, 2010 at 3:22 PM
subject: Hi Dear,

Hi Dear,
how are you today I hope that everything is ok with you as it is my
great pleasure to contact you in having communication with you
starting from today, i was just playing around through the internet
search when i found your email address,i want to make a very new and
special friend,so i decided to contact you to see how we can make it
work if we can. please i wish you will have the desire with me so that
we can get to know each other better and see what happens in future.

My name is Jenny Brown,i am from United State of America but presently
i live and work in England, I will be very happy if you can write me
through my private email address(jennybrown2525@live.com) for easy
communication so that we can know each other, I will give you my
pictures and details about me upon hearing from you.
I wish you all the best.
your new friend
Jenny Brown.

How To Get A Girl To Do Anything And Everyything In Bed

candice — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 13:30:45 +0000

Is this how you get a girl to do anything in bed? Because this is pretty lame.

from: Brunjes
to: spamcarnival
date: Thu, Apr 9, 2009 at 3:45 AM
subject: How To Get A Girl To Do Anything And Everyything In Bed

Remains is by much the smaller. If, indeed, the and powerful
newspaper lieutenant of president such a tangle of thorny
shoots, that big patches.

trivet

candice — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 13:30:49 +0000

Well, if it isn’t Mr. Titsworth! Droppin’ weird spelling, sex talk, and creepy prose!

I absolutely LOVE this one.

from: Arter Titsworth
to: spamcarnival
date: Wed, Apr 2, 2008 at 12:16 PM
subject: trivet

Heya,

Real men! Millionss of people acrosss the world have already tested THIS and ARE making their girlfriiends feel brand new sexual sensationns! YOU are the best in bed, aren’t you ?
Girls! Developp your sexual relaationship and get even MORE pleasurre! Make your boyfriennd a gift!

Ii do not understand you, you made one little dirk shall
andik how much have you got? Tasardunt soldiers and some
log cabins. When we wanted salt memphis would be in danger
of being overwhelmed i know what’s become of her. During
adam’s narrative, to go further and open diplomatic relations
with young folks like the haydocks and the dyersand these
words, and without withdrawing his eyes licking the hand
that hung listlessly down and to tell you. This is exchief
inspector duke of and your lesson this time is that you
should never cooped up, like a sheep in a pen, by man or
devil. Upon i hope your sister is quite well. Everything
whoa! You mustn’tyou can’t! Ann, please whoa! Of his wisdom,
towards which his sweet wife will.

Child actress Abigail Breslin turns bad

candice — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 13:30:29 +0000

This simple spam email has left me with so many questions.

from: ukyziypu7180
to: spamcarnival
date: Tue, Aug 24, 2010 at 4:04 AM
subject: Child actress Abigail Breslin turns bad

When girls start disappearing, the Ass Collector became the prime suspect

Let’s go through this step by step.

1. Abigail Breslin is best know for her role in Little Miss Sunshine as Olive Hoover.

2. The Ass Collector is “a high-tech erotic psycho-thriller starring Chris Knight as an evil cross-dressing serial chess masturbator/ killer who kidnaps beautiful women to infiltrate their dreams.”

(And not to be confused with this collector:)

3. Has Abigail Breslin turned bad, and therefore turned into the Ass Collector? Or, has the Ass Collector kidnapped Abigail Breslin because she’s “turned bad”? We may never know.

The engagement ring perfect for your fiancee

candice — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 13:30:55 +0000

OMG! She said YES!

from: Beautiful Engagement Rings
to: spamcarnival
date: Thu, Sep 30, 2010 at 10:52 AM
subject: The engagement ring perfect for your fiancee

Okay, but really folks, this screen shot couldn’t properly capture the embedded image. Behold: