Identity Theft, Part Three
January 28, 2009
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Identity Theft, Love and Sex, Spamgasmic! | Tagged: sexual enhancement, stolen identity, the promise of a new sex partner | 
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Identity Theft, Part Two
January 27, 2009Yesterday, I provided you with a brief sample of emails I have been receiving claiming to be from me. However, I don’t think a sample is enough. There are so many that are good, ridiculous, and downright wrong that I simply must share. Here is a second installment in this series:
Stay tuned for more tomorrow!
2 Comments | Identity Theft, Love and Sex, Spamgasmic! | Tagged: sexual enhancement, stolen identity, the promise of a new sex partner | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival
Could this be identity theft?
January 26, 2009I’ve recently received a slew of emails claiming to be from “me.” They are not, in fact, from me. All of them have sexual content in their subject lines. Below, I present you with part one of three in this identity theft series:
My favorite subject line is “She flicked her hair.” What’s yours?
2 Comments | Funny Subject Line, Identity Theft, Love and Sex, Spamgasmic! | Tagged: sexual enhancement, stolen identity | Permalink
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Yaari.com: Ruining Our Lives
January 23, 2009Folks, I come to you today to tell you about a spam tragedy. You see, this week, my spam-lovin’ self became very sad. Why you ask? Because of this awful website: YAARI.COM (DO NOT SIGN UP FOR ANYTHING ON THEIR SITE!!!).
I received an email from a friend that looked like this:
subject: joe jones sent you a Friend Request on Yaari
joe jones wants you to join Yaari!
Is joe your friend?
Yes, joe is my friend! No, joe isn’t my friend.Please respond or joe may think you said no :(
Thanks,
The Yaari Team
Now, “Joe Jones” (fake name alert) is someone I met very recently through a new professional venture of mine. Although I really did not want to join another
social networking site, I also didn’t want to make a bad impression on my new colleague. Like a good suck-up, I decided I’d join the site. After all, I wouldn’t have to pass it on to friends, nor would I have to log in unless Joe Jones sent me a message through the site. All I did was enter a name and password to get my account started. After signing in, my contacts were imported automatically. All of a sudden, it spammed everyone in my contact list, including my own email address.
My accidental spamming caused a massive eruption of confusion from my friends and coworkers, all asking me, “What’s Yaari?” or “Why would you join that site?”
Apparently, Yaari.com pretends to be a social networking site for Indian youth. Well, as so rightly described by Kenneth on The Letter Two blog, Yaari.com is “the social networking site for…nobody!” This site isn’t even real. If I had made a brief trip to a search engine, I would’ve seen that Yaari.com is notorious for spamming the universe. Furthermore, if I had read those pesky Terms of Service, I would’ve seen this:
The email address(es) that you supply to use this service will only be used to send invitations to connect with you on Yaari. By registering for the Yaari website, and by giving Yaari member’s email address and password, a member agrees to the Terms of Service and consents to allow Yaari to automatically send an email from the member to member’s contacts, encouraging member’s contacts to register for the Yaari website. Invitation emails will be sent on member’s behalf, with the ‘from’ address set as member’s email address.
Yaari.com, you’ve done no justice for the good in spam. Worst of all, you’ve made me a spammer that my friends hate, when all I’ve tried to do is show them what makes spam so great.
For more details on why I’m a jackass for signing up to this site, go here.
4 Comments | The Destruction of the Joys of Spam, The More You Know | Tagged: yaari.com | Permalink
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geocities dot com slash armpits hair
January 22, 2009Say what you will about women and armpit hair (not here, I don’t care what you think about armpit hair), but the most fantastic thing has happened. A brief google image search for Paula Cole yielded the sweetest accidental 
find of all time:
http://www.geocities.com/armpitshair
That’s right, kids. As pointed out by Mike, this is all of the awesome because this website is:
- a geocities site;
- a geocities site about armpit hair; and
- a geocities site about armpit hair that also happens to feature Paula Cole’s armpit hair.
Folks, what more do you want?
Let’s also talk about the fact that it’s not singular, but plural: ARMPITS hair. This site sort of reads like spam. Here’s an excerpt:
In the US and UK it is almost impossible to see any female with armpits hair in a public place. In dinner parties, when one is likely to wera a sleevless gown, obviously the females make sure that the armpits are clean shaven.
Young teenagers are ashamed to see and expose the armpits hair. So they promptly get hold of razors or depilatory creams.
Love it!
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Election porn
January 20, 2009Welp, it’s Inaugaration Day here in the United States, the day on which our President-elect gets to remove that inconvenient hyphen and lead us to glory. I thought this would be an appropriate time to rehash a little election humor with a list I created with my dear friend Winston at 2log, The Audience of Two blog. It may be a little outdated for all you “Best Week Ever” kindsa kids, but too bad. I still think you’ll enjoy it.:
2008 Presidential Election Porn Titles
10. The Mav-Dick
9. GOP-ing a Feel
8. Trig’s Special Needs
7. Hockey MILFs
6. ACORN: Another Cumshot On Rachel’s Nipples?
5. Lipstick on Her Pitbull
4. Straight Cock Express
3. Wet ‘n Wild ‘n Wasila
2. Putin Rears his Ugly Head
1. Drill Baby Drill!
Originally posted here.
2 Comments | Non-spam Gigglemajigs!, Politics | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival
crooked
January 15, 2009Don’t let the length of this email stop you from reading the entire thing. It’s hilarious and one of my favorites! Please share your favorite part(s) of the story in the comments section.
from: Rosalind Cooley
sent: Wednesday, September 20, 2006 1:49 PM
to: spamcarnival
subject: crookedHurds dinner was given in a private room at the DindonneauRestaurant in Soho. And a Scotsman knows what hedoesnt want to buy! And with Lockert away, their invitations were few. It was true, the thing he had been trying to ignore. There was a horseshoe table with seats forthirty.
Lockert had gone off to the Riviera, a weekafter the Ouston dinner.
It had become a disease with bothnations, he reflected, this discussion of Britain vs.
I can tell that youve been seeing one of your jocund Americanfriends again, said Lockert. I think I ought to do it; hes tried so hard to be nice.
I admire the English, but theymake me feel kind of roughneck.
4 Comments | Best of the best, Epic, Short Story, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
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This is such bullshit
January 12, 2009Are you familiar with SpamAssassin? SpamAssassin ruins lives. SpamAssassin attempts to catch all of your spam emails and DESTROY THEM before you even get to “LOL” at them. They put out ads like this, which I have defaced with my Windows Paint skillage:
Don’t they care that there are over one-sextillion ways to spell Viagra? I wonder how many ways there are to spell MURDERER? Probably not as many! I can’t say I’m surprised that the code for this awful program was released on April 20th, 2001 – what would have been Adolf Hitler’s 112th birthday.
Well, guess what, SpamAssassin? Your shit isn’t working. Here are the top two problems reported on your FAQ page:
- SpamAssassin is killing my server
- Spam is getting through
You know what? I’m just gonna say it. The folks at SpamAssassin are a bunch of hurtful, humorless people who try to remove all of the joy from your life.
Thanks to Sam at Audience of Two for publicizing this tragedy.
7 Comments | The Destruction of the Joys of Spam | Permalink
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Messages of concern
January 9, 2009I’ve been receiving a bunch of emails from spammers who are deeply worried about me. I guess they’ve been trying to get in touch with me and they think I’m ignoring them…? Here are some of the things they’re writing in the subject line:
Where are you, I’m frozen!
Where are you, man?
I don’t know where are you!
Don’t reject my calls!
Is your cell phone always busy?
We have you been, honey?
We were looking for you!
Don’t disappear again!
Well, I’m not ignoring you, dearest spammers. This post is for you. Please send me more spam.
6 Comments | Funny Subject Line, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
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The walker that went 3 miles per hour.
January 8, 2009Sometimes, we cannot sleep. Sometimes, we keep our sleepless selves occupied with online games. I observed the following (unabridged) discussion in an online game chat room on one of these very nights:
lexga: do you still have the mirror on your walker
lexga: and the cute little bell
manny: yes i do
manny: have to use the mirror when i am speeding down the road
lexga: you don’t speed… a man of your age
manny: yes last week I got a speding ticket going 3 mph in a 35 zone
lexga: bad manny do you have to go to classes now
lexga: or just pay the fine
manny: yes both
manny: and i have to buy a horse too
lexga: a horse, what for
manny: i walk too slow
lexga: are you getting a carriage to go with the horse
lexga: or a ladder
manny: no going to hook up my walker
lexga: hope you intend to wear a helmet
lexga: the horse is going to go faster than 3 mph when you dig your heels in
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Her pussy smiled at me
January 6, 2009From: noel Klaps
To: spamcarnival
Date: Fri, Mar 21, 2008 at 6:42 PM
Subject: Her pussy smiled at meIncredible equipment means incredible pleasure for you and your woman.
Pink nipples are my true love
How does this email make you feel?
4 Comments | Funny Subject Line, Love and Sex, Spamgasmic! | Tagged: sexual enhancement | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival
One sextillion ways to leave your lover
January 2, 2009Ever notice how your spam emails always spell “Viagra” in strange ways? According to cockeyed.com, there are 1,300,925,111,156,286,160,896 ways to spell Viagra!
Check it out here (link is safe!).
1 Comment | Love and Sex, Spamgasmic!, The More You Know, Website of the Week | Tagged: sexual enhancement | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival
