Economy in crysis and you?

January 26, 2010

It’s a Christmas miracle!!

from: Chiamaka Alice
to: spamcarnival
date: Mon, Dec 28, 2009 at 12:46 PM
subject: Economy in crysis and you?

Erectile dysfunction will never spoil your life again if you make use of this sales event!

It is a scientifically proven fact that on Christmas many people get rid of impotence with magic!

[link removed]

Of course, the removed link goes to a Canadian pharmaceutical website. Here are some funny pictures from the site:

Leave a Comment » | Holidays, Love and Sex, Spamgasmic!, sexual enhancement | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

adult ads

January 20, 2010

My darling friend Leila passed on this really awesome spam.  I love the prose:

from: BRATBY Michelle
to: Leila
sent: Wed, January 13, 2010 12:07:03 PM
subject: adult ads

women seeking sex
[link removed]
They installed themselves in the island, and constructed a smaller boat
never again see the extraordinary animal. I was mistaken.
on the face of the globe which has escaped my researches.”

Wasn’t that beautiful?

FYI, this is what the link leads to:

Leave a Comment » | Love and Sex, Prose, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Be the macho-perfecto!

January 12, 2010

Check out what this Fight Club aficionado sent me:

from: tylerdurden70
to: spamcarnival
date: Thu, Dec 31, 2009 at 9:58 AM
subject: Be the macho-perfecto!

Shoot your gin into her vagina

I dunno, dude.  I really like gin, but don’t you think that’d sting a little bit?

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Posted by spamcarnival

Yo,ThIS IS MIR

January 8, 2010

Have you gotten an anonymous email from a 12 year old lately?  I have.

from: Miriam Freedman
to: Lulu
date: Mon, Sep 28, 2009 at 6:25 PM
subject: Yo,ThIS IS MIR

IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To do list for next summer:
Get there
Find Emma
Have Rockin Sleepover
Sing Oats Peas Beans
IMizz u so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m serios, Iv’e got so much to talk about. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Stuff NOT to say over web.
IF YOU GET THIS, WAIT AT THE PHONE IF FREE (REPLY AND TELL IF FREE) ON TUESDAY AT 7:00. ILL CALL. IF I DON’T, THEN CALL 623-1490. WILL ANSWER. IF YOU GET ANWERING  MACHINE,LEAVE MESSAGE, AND I WILL CALL.
yOUR GOING CRAZY FREIND,
miriam

Dear “Mir,”

I have several items of business to address regarding your recent to-do list and letter:

  1. When you say “get there,” what do you mean? Like, get to summer?
  2. I’d like to find Emma, but I don’t know who she is.
  3. I don’t feel comfortable having a sleepover with you, primarily because I have no idea who you are.
  4. I have never heard of a song called “Oats Peas Beans,” but I suppose I could learn it.
  5. I don’t miss you because again, I have never met you.  I bet you have lots of “serios” things to tell me, but what are they?  Are you going to reveal how we know each other?
  6. I don’t really want to wait by my phone on Tuesday at 7pm.  I also have no idea what your area code is.
  7. Stop going crazy.  It’s really not necessary.  And you’re not my friend, dude.

yOUR CONFUSED LETTER RECIPIENT,
candice

*Thanks to Lulu for passing this on.  It’s priceless!

Update—
Here is the song, Oats Peas Beans and Barley Grow

Leave a Comment » | Best of the best, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Nirvana returns!

January 6, 2010

Hello, everyone! As promised, Spam Carnival is back and ready for action.

Today’s spam email excited me at first.  As someone who grew up at the tail end of the grunge era, I was so happy to see the possibility that Nirvana, or what’s left of them, could possibly be reuniting.

I was wrong.

from: Shawanna Asugeg
to: spamcarnival
date: Mon, Sep 7, 2009 at 5:18 AM
subject: Nirvana returns!

Love  Experts

Your mind wants more of her. But your body says: “Hey, I’m tired!”

Bad situation anyway. To avoid it you need to strengthen your masculinity with the help of our special supplements. Best discounts and free pilules this week only!

Seriously, folks. When do you think these spammers will stop screwing with our heads?  All we wanted was a Nirvana reunion.  Yeah, it’s sad that Kurt Cobain is gone forever, but lots of bands have reunited without their original singers, like Van Halen, Sublime, and Journey.  Maybe we could get Shawanna Asugeg to be the new singer of Nirvana!  I think it’d be good.  And the lyrics would be just as cryptic.

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Posted by spamcarnival

HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia

December 21, 2009

I really enjoy getting spam comments on my blog about spam.  Check out this one someone left for me the other day:

HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia and being forced to post spam comments on blogs! If you don’t approve this they will kill me. They’re coming back now. Please send help!

Yeesh… kinda sucks for this dude, ’cause I totally did not approve the comment.

2 Comments | Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Our 2010 New Year’s Resolution

December 14, 2009

We're coming back in 2010!

Loyal Spam Carnival Fan: Where have you been?

Spam Carnival Blogger Candice: Sometimes, your job gets super hectic, and then you start taking classes at a nearby graduate school, and then you volunteer your time 15 hours a week for free… and then, before you know it, you don’t have the time to update your blog.

But don’t worry, because I dropped out of school and stopped volunteering my time towards a good cause, so now I can dedicate my life to what really matters: spam emails.  And I’m gonna do it all on my office’s dime.

Thanks for sticking around all this time.  In the meanwhile, why don’t you go on ahead forward us your favorite spam emails?  spamcarnival@gmail.com.

Here’s a bonus spam email to tide you over, courtesy of my girlfriend Dana:

from: Nanny Justice
date: Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 9:46 AM
subject: Huge love maker has become unbelievably real!
to: Dana

Madness of low prices http://iceo.suffixevery.com/

Nanny Justice! I’m so glad she finally contacted us with this fantastic deal.  Nanny Injustice usually tries to make my love maker unbelievably small, so thank the heavens for Nanny Justice- my favorite nanny!

Leave a Comment » | Funny Sender Name, Love and Sex, Spamgasmic!, sexual enhancement | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Subject Line Round-Up

October 8, 2009

One of my favorite top-ten lists so far!:

  1. Photos of your piss pride
  2. Support for your boning!
  3. Iron in your jeans!
  4. Boy shot dead outside campus
  5. minihttpserver
  6. Best doping for night monster
  7. Forget about fear to be “limp” in front of woman – get the support of your dream.
  8. true-girllove
  9. You are now using your meat rod at only 10% of full potential.
  10. whoop at them, because I took M_E_G ADI K

Leave a Comment » | Funny Subject Line, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Dylan or Spam #6!

September 26, 2009

The webmaster kept me chained to a desk until I could produce another Dylan or Spam.  I give you Dylan or Spam #6, and my freedom.

  1. If the Russians happen to get up there first.  Wowee! Pretty scary!
  2. You weep so that even a stone would show pity.

Leave a Comment » | Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by dylanorspam

Subject Line Round-Up

September 25, 2009

One list, ten laughs.

  1. Free depositfiles analog
  2. “Wake up, rod” men’s potion
  3. Empower your fleshy thing
  4. Our teacher died
  5. Another plane crushed
  6. After the night with you on that blue vitamin she will become excited of even thinking about you.
  7. Why lie? I need money.
  8. Look at this shit!
  9. Be a tasty cake for fems!
  10. To the calm and silent sea

Leave a Comment » | Funny Subject Line, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Subject Line Round-Up

September 18, 2009

This week’s funniest spam subject lines:

  1. Achieve stronger orgasms for women via Suregasm.
  2. Get an extra firmness for your nether stick! Free delivery!
  3. TO cream his croak
  4. Saw that? Outrageous!
  5. my quest for pink twats
  6. You will see no problem in doing her six times in a row after just one bolus!
  7. Over 10 million men made their women happy, and you?
  8. Mr Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo
  9. Drama in Jolie’s Life
  10. Problem of fast-finish in bed? Our product will give you real marathons!

Leave a Comment » | Funny Subject Line, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Subject Line Round-Up

September 11, 2009

It must be that time of the week again… That’s right! Here are this week’s funniest subject lines!

  1. Compelling force will try to tear your zipper every time you’ll be with a girl.
  2. little gentlemen
  3. Wipe off the borders between what you want to do in bed and what you can do.
  4. Should my Jones more Dorkings send
  5. Rock star hanged himself
  6. Power up your pork rocket
  7. Bacterial infections are screaming from Levaquin.
  8. Your girl very likes to be engaged in love! And can not you do love long?
  9. Hey. I know your information.
  10. And his Aunt Jobiska made him drink

Leave a Comment » | Funny Subject Line, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Subject Line Round-Up

September 4, 2009

Ten reasons to smile this week, all in the form of spam subject lines:

  1. Be # 1 in making her wet
  2. Followed by bacterial infections? Try Amoxicillin.
  3. Bring more joy to your life, get a bluepill!
  4. Do you want to hear from your babes ‘you are the best man in my life?’
  5. IT consultant of perfect love making art.
  6. Does your cock suck?
  7. Be an ultimate don juan
  8. Warship’s final mission is under the sea
  9. ‘Angry’ Man Utd fan kills four in bus attack
  10. Have not thought before. Plan B thinks after.

Leave a Comment » | Funny Subject Line, Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Away, away, away!

August 22, 2009
Raw-Bar-platter

I am going to eat everything you see here times ten.

Holy shit, I’m enjoying my life away from the computer this week! Where will I be, you ask? I’ll be vacationing on the glorious shores of small-town Rhode Island, tanning, drinking too much, and eating at all of the raw bars I can find.

I probably won’t get around to updating the Spam Carnival, but I miiiiight get around to updating my other blog.  Why don’t you take the time to check it out by clicking here?

Rock out, kiddies, and thanks for reading so faithfully.

Leave a Comment » | Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

Subject Line Round-Up

August 21, 2009

Spams like these have been showing up in my junk folder.

  1. You’ll feel yourself with women like Michael Jordan with ball and hoop.
  2. Her slit needs more banging
  3. New pills allowing you to create the wanted breast.
  4. free sex!!!
  5. Stop ruining yourself
  6. Click or cats gonna die
  7. Step on the arousal glory way
  8. Hump the best girls
  9. Make your zipper knight the best in the whole town.
  10. And even the golden crown.

Leave a Comment » | Spamgasmic! | Permalink
Posted by spamcarnival

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